I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
