'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
