No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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