I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
