we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
