lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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