I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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