I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
