we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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