I think I died a long time ago.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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