So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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