I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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