I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
