I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
