If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
