I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
