He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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