Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
