so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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