just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
