i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
