everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
