I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize