Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
