This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
