I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
