Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
