i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize