she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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