saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
