I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
