I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
