all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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