tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
