Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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