May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
