just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
