i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Michael Bay diarrhea
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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