btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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