Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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