How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think my fart just growled at me.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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