I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
