this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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