zippers are such a cool invention
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
