Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Send help, water and tortillas.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
