I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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