if only i could text you this smell
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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