There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
