moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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