I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There's a naked man in my car right now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize