He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
