I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
