i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
