Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
