Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
