My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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