btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
