You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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