Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
