Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
even my farts smell like vagina
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
