do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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