he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I am naked and annoyed.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
