Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
