Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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