the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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