My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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